9/7/11

What For? A Question… and Its Answer

Du bist mein liebster Blog!
(That's German meaning
"You are my dearest blog!")
What for? 
I gather that, together with Where do we come from?, Where do we go to? and Honey, what shall we have for dinner?, this is one of the primary questions of mankind. The question of sense. A question that we shouldn't ask ourselves too often if we want to go on with what we're doing. 
Most of you know me quite well by now, and most of you know my patterns. When I opened up this blogspace, I was so eager to share my writing with you that I posted a daily episode. Soon, the childlike enthusiasm gave way to a more mature approach, which led to my publishing two weekly posts, mostly on Wednesday and Saturday or Sunday. 
And now, it's been a whole week that nothing new has shown up here. That's because the famous What for?-question has been haunting me for some time. What am I doing here with this blog? Where will my continuing my stories in this space lead me to? What difference does it make? And who cares anyway? I could just as well stop doing it, and the world would be the same place, people would stay the same, nobody would miss neither my blog nor me nor my writing. 
I guess that sounds ungrateful. I've succeded in attracting quite a crowd to my literary outpost on dietermoitzi.blogspot.com. 190 followers, more than 150.000 pageviews, an Alexa-rank oscillating between 230.000 and 245.000 (meaning I'm in the top-0,7% of websites - worldwide!). Two books selfpublished on smashwords and amazon. Not very much sought out, all right, but published nonetheless (and thanks, TB, for actually paying for the books; you know you shouldn't have!). I'm healthy as can be (to knock on wood and to knock back my daily treatment help me see to that); I'm still very much in love (and very much loved) by my boyfriend; I've got a job and, more importantly, the monthly payment check that comes with it; I'm even going to leave this small apartment and move to a much larger one at roughly ten minutes from my workplace (so no more moaning about the inhumanity of Parisian public transport in autumn, winter, spring and summer). 
Yet something seems to be missing. I still love to write, I still want to finish my stories, I still wanna be a writer, or rather: a published writer (published as in "that huge publishing house actually pays a supplier to print my words on pages and bind the whole with an alluring cover, then markets the entire thing, and I'm shortlisted for loads of awards and get invited to all the important TV shows all over the world and can quit my job in order to do nothing else but write and think about how to spend the loads of cash that flow onto my bank account on a daily basis" – that sort of published, see?). 
Silly, naive me! 
So that What for?-question popped up in my head and wouldn't leave me. And when you look too closely for the reason and sense of what you're doing, you seem to just not know how to do it anymore. Thus this breaking of my posting-habits. It could have lasted for quite a while, without me saying anything to you, maybe even letting the blog quietly die away… 
Until I checked my emails this morning. And saw that Jodi from Jodi's Book Reviews has nominated me for the Liebster Blog Award. This made me snap out of my fruitless self-questioning. I don't know if it's the fact that someone has thought my blog interesting enough to nominate it or if it's the name of the award ("Liebster" means "dearest" or "sweetheart" in German). It doesn't matter anyway. Thank you so much, Jodi, for having saved my blog from vanishing into nothingness. I know I will continue now. More than ever.
That Liebster Blog award in itself is worth what it's worth. It won't pay our bills, it won't publish our books, it won't heal the world if that's what we're aiming at (talk about ambitions!), all right. But it can put an end to those of our questions that are counterproductive (especially the bleak What for?-question). It means someone out there thinks that it's great what we're doing, after all. And hey, that is rather priceless. Am I right or am I right?
In order to win, I have to spread some "blog love" and thank and link back to the person who nominated me (well, that's done above). I have to pick some of my favorite bloggers who have less than 200 followers (to be honest, I prefer to ignore that bit and nominate those I really appreciate). The following list includes my true blog-friends, most of them accomplished writers, philosophers or simply wonderful and wonderfully gifted persons; some of them have difficult personal issues at the moment, others seem to have gone on a blogging-vacation (and I do hope I'll hear from them soon because I'm really worried about what's up with them). 
Anyway, I do love you all and wish you only the best!

13 comments:

  1. Congratulations on the award, and thank you, Dieter! I'm honoured to be in this list, and there is something I've enjoyed even more and it's been reading your post. You're so gifted, and funny, and serious, and prolific at writing. I have no doubt one day you'll be a published author, THAT sort of author!

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  2. There is no What For.

    There is No Reason. There is no reason other than the doing.

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  3. Darling,

    I am honored to be nominated and I didn't even have to sleep with you...Naughty tart I am! Ha!

    I think you are oh so sweet, and I appreciate your insightful wisdom when you come to visit....

    I truly hope that the weather has cooled down a bit there in Paris. How I would love to come and be there in October, when the rain starts and yet it hasn't gotta the chill yet...

    You are NOT a wanna be writer Darling... Admit it, YOU ARE A REAL WRITER>> Send in this stuff of yours to an actual publisher and get on with it! Yes I am sassy, but that is why you love me so!

    Take care gorgeous!

    Lisa

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  4. @Josep: your word in God's ear, as we say in Austria... and thanks for the compliments – I'd be blushing if I hadn't forgotten how to do it several years ago ;-)
    @Glenn: You're quite right, of course; yet there are MOMENTS when the what-for-question gets annoyingly present in one's mind as if it were important. The brains can be in the know; the feelings (call it heart, call it soul, call it whims) love to ignore wholesome truths at times.
    @Lisa: If you keep calling me gorgeous, I'll end up believing I am! Lol As a matter of fact, I have started sending email queries to some hundred literary agents recently. After the first bulk of rejections (my they all are so busy cashing it in for their already published authors that they seem to have got no time left to look into the writings of new ones), I'm still awaiting the big stream of answers (as a Non-American, I ignored of course that Labor Day is a day off and that right before, the whole publishing business is apparently on holiday). I'll kepp you updated. Check out today's post (and the link it provides) to have some more details... You take care, too, oh lovely one. Don't let them handsome guys get too cheeky with you, okay?

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  5. Congratulations to you -- and thank you, too, of course. I know some of the blogs on your list, and there are more to look forward to reading.

    You are *definitely* a gifted writer and a kind person as well.

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  6. Thank you so much, Dieter, for passing your award to me! I am so happy and honored...this has truly made my day!

    Blessings, Catherine

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  7. @Jennifer & Catherine: well, I'm so glad I could pass on that happy surprise to both of you. Since I've "known" you (albeit only in a www-virtual way), you've been "nurturing" me; you, Jen, with your writing, the way you put thoughts, situations, feelings into words, and you, Catherine, with your mouthwatering recipes and all those fabulous photos of the wonderful food you prepare...

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  8. Hello Dieter!

    Thank you so much for the award! We are so happy and deeply touched.
    It's been a long and difficult couple of weeks lately, but we're hoping to get a new post up soon and will include your award in that post as well! :)

    We hope this message finds you well!

    Happy Writing,
    Tammy & Mike

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  9. Dear T & M, why, thanks, I'm rather fine. Glad you liked the award – you deserve it, dear friends! Waiting to read more from you on your blog, and hoping you'll be fine as well, D.

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  10. D, I'm not sure why you think I deserve this award especially since I'm one of those bloggers supposedly 'on vacation' (not!). But, as I said in my email to you, being included in your list of recipients has lifted my spirits! Thank you for thinking of me. It means a lot to me.

    I've been largely absent from my blog and I have missed it and the deep conversations that I've had with you and others in response to my posts.

    In the meantime, you've been asking that 'What for?' question. You know, you don' have to justify anything. The only answer that you need is 'because it makes me happy'. And regardless of what anyone thinks, if it gives you joy, that's all that matters.

    On the other hand, if you *need* someone to think you're great in order for you to feel happy, well, that to me is not an empowering place to be in. Let's hope that's not you D :)

    Having said that, I just happen to love your writing (and if my saying that gives you joy, well, dear D, enjoy but don't *need* it for chrissake!!!). Yes, I love your writing, I hope you keep writing and uncovering more and more of your talent as you do and I'm sure the bright lights will catch up with you sooner or later :)

    Power on darling D!!!!!!!!!

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  11. @TB: answered you, more or less, by email, as the answer would've made for a whole post in itself. And still, I have to apologize 'cause I don't feel I have said all I wanted in that mail. Anyways, it's good to know you're there, even if the "there" is somewhere far away in a fancy country where people have to cling to the very trees in order not to slip off the earth (don't they?) ;-))

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  12. Dear Dieter, I'm honored and tickled and so pleased that you nomiated me too! It's so true that the littel kind acts of our fellows can make a big difference in our heads: you've definitely done that for me many many times! As for writing, you are clearly very very clearly born to be a writer. You can't fight it, you just have to go with it. The good thing is that writers just get better with age: so there is no need to panic, things WILL happen if you don't give up and keep dreaming. Great things in the world only happen because we imagine they can. A big hug from NZ!
    P.S. I'm devastated that I can no longer find your generous email gift of the voucher to read your Amazon writing! I have no idea how it happened: I'm not myself these days! Is there any way you could send me the code again?

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