Many things have happened since I started this blog. No, sorry guys, no major US- or UK-based publishing house has, of yet, sent me an enthusiastic mail offering a juicy contract, thus allowing me to tell my customers to go fuck ‘emselves once and for all. Oops, sorry, I’ve been rude; I’ll wash my mouth with soap (rather my keyboard as I’m not talking to you but pressing keys...)
The reason why I interrupt my sometimes erratic tale for another blog introspection? Well, I’ve been thinking, you know. Some of my blogamis have been dropping helpful hints. I told myself it would be a good idea to take a break from continuing the fiction I present in this space and talk about the space itself. A pause from the contents in order to talk about the container. Forget about the editorial part and entertain you with something a tad more commercial (I reckon one particular blogami will recognise himself there). So let’s be crazy and change the profile photo; let’s be crazier still and liven up at least one post – this one –with some pictures.
1 The Stats
Alright, then. Some history, some facts, some stats. We’re slowly but surely approaching my blogversary as the ‘Confessions of a Wannabe Writer’ have opened on February 2, 2010. Since that date, more than 13,500 visitors have found their way to my blog, paying approximately 26,500 visits and reading more than 38,000 pages and leaving many a comment. I’d like to thank you all for being present, for reading me, for encouraging me again and again. Most of you are situated in the US, the Philippines or France. But when I look at the Google Analytics Map, I realise there aren’t many white patches left. You sometimes come from very far to hear my voice, be it Argentina, Zimbabwe, Nepal or Oman.
I’m awed is all I can say. And somewhat disappointed: no one in Greenland? Come on, don’t be shy, dudes! I won’t bite you!
2 Keyword Rap
The funny part is when you look at the keyword searches on Google, Yahoo, whatever. Many have just looked up my name. They found me, even with the weirdest spelling mistakes like ‘Diert’ or ‘Dierter’. It’s Dieter, honeys, like in Madonna’s ‘My name is Dieter / and I’m your master’. Just joking, of course.
My dudesnude story has been found out a couple of times, too. I’m sorry to disappoint you there, you won’t discover a stark naked Dieter in front of his webcam stroking his best parts for your pleasure. For one, I’m as good as married. Then, I leave the stroking to the youngsters and the Wow!-bodies. Or to my boyfriend, in the privacy of our home and sans webcam, if you don’t mind. You should be thankful, see? I have to confess that I’m chuckling, though, when I think of all those aroused guys, stiff member in hand, who land on a blog filled with fiction and poems. I hope I’m not too much of a turn-off to you guys!
Other keyword searches leave me just wondering about search engine algorithms. If I don’t see the point of the search in itself, I’m even more flabbergasted to discover these searches have led you to my blog! What follows is a list of the most bizarre paths. I can’t resist the temptation to comment them; come on, have a laugh with me:
- "i * shortsighted" or "i * short sighted" or "i * nearsighted" or "i * astigmatism" or "she * nearsighted" or "she * shortsighted" or "she * short sighted" or "she * astigmatism" (what he heck?)
- ariosto seasoning (Ariosto seasoning? Have I ever been writing about Ariosto seasoning? What is Ariosto seasoning, to start with?)
- dusty roads graphic designer (come on, I’m 38 – how does this link me to dusty roads? I mean – puleez?)
- 13 years unknown girl smiling (I beg your pardon?)
- asian posters advert (I don’t have the foggiest, I admit)
- associate young boy handsome (ooh, thank you, Google! What a flattering association for me!)
- bing thinwell toned black women (ahm, let me quote that line from the fabulous movie ‘Peter’s Friends’: ‘I’m not in the vagina business!’)
- blue climax mags (everybody knows blue climax mags is what characterizes me best...)
- crimped hair (‘no hair’ would describe me better)
- finnish modern composers pärth (sorry to destroy that myth – Pärth is an Estonian modern composer)
3 Some Blog Tips (An Erratic Jumble-Sale)
First of all, you should submit your blog to several blog directories. You’ll find many of them in the right-hand column of my page. You should also visit the blogs of others, take the time to read their posts and leave a comment. The more original you are, the more others will be interested to discover what your own blog is all about. A simple payback-visit can thus evolve into someone coming back again and again to read more of what you are writing. The same is true for certain forums. I recommend for those of you who write fiction or poems to sign up with the Literature Network Forums where a great community gathers in order to discuss literature, post short-stories, poems and so on.
Without any doubt, what has brought most visitors to my blog is Entrecard (EC). A simple enough device for those who don’t know it yet. You sign up. For free, ain’t that swell already? I mean, soon we’ll have to pay for the air we breathe because Monsanto or someone else will have claimed a patent on it, transforming it into Air® All rights reserved. So, Entrecard is a welcome exception in this world of money-crazed individuals.
What do you have to do, then, you might ask. Well, first, you create a nice little Entrecard button. The rest is droppings. Naah, you don’t crap on your screen, dummie! You visit other blogs signed up with Entrecard (the choice is very rich, with many really fine blogs to discover) and ‘Drop’ on the EC buttons you will find. Thus, you earn EC credits which allow you to insert your own button on the blogs of others. The easiest and cheapest way to advertise your blog. It will not only increase your blog traffic but win you loads of new friends. If they appreciate your blog’s contents, that is.
There are other services you could sign up with. I haven’t yet explored all of them (let alone understood how they really work; that’s just so stupid ole me, I reckon) but here’s a non-exhaustive list (including one specialized in Book Blogs). Why don't you try out my Twitter? I'm still quite new to it but hey, I'm sure I'll come up with some funny tweets! You can subscribe in the right-hand column.
The most important thing for a blog? To provide interesting contents. So, quite naturally, my first aim will be to continue writing. I’ve decided, though, to post less often. I’ve had that feeling that I owed you a daily episode. But perhaps I should slow down a bit? Post on a weekly base? Would that allow you to follow the tale better? I don’t know yet but I’ll give it a try. At least, I’m sure I won’t rush a description, a memory because I’ll have a full week to proof-read, correct and improve each single post.
Another question, asked by my excellent blogami Wil: will a publisher be interested in making a book out of an online novel thousands of people have been able to read for free? Again, I can’t answer that one. But I know I won’t let you down, all of you who have been following my tale so far. You’ll discover the continuation and the end of my hero’s story, you’ll get to read how he broke up with Mister P. and how he came to meet Seb. This is a novel, alright? I’ll never confess how much of it is true (okay, a lot – there, satisfied?), how much is invented. I dream of being published, that much is true. But if no one wants this novel, hey, know what? When I’ll have finished, I’ll start a new one. Deal?
Thank you again for hearing me out. I wish you all the best, have yourself a merry little Christmas, as the song goes, peace and love and warm, felt hugs from